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| | Subject: Autism Spectrum Disorder? | Posted: December 3, 2007 @ 6:37 AM | | Hey y'all,
I don't have a disability myself, but was wondering if any of you have family or friends on the autism spectrum. I think I've heard read stuff about it from som of you, so I thought I would ask. My brother was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome about two years ago. He's almost 21. While he is very smart and graduated #2 in high school, he was always what I called "quirky" : spends hours on the computer, talks using big words that make it hard for others to understand him. He was diagnosed at age 19, after he was kicked out of college for not going to class and not doing work (he failed and they didn't want him back). Since then, he has had trouble getting and keeping a job. His therapist thinks all this is because of his troubles in dealing with people and with organizational skills. He also tends to lie to cover up things, i.e., not telling parents or me he's failing in school, pretending he has a job when he doesn't, etc.
My parents and I are about to go crazy with all these problems. They have it the worst because he's now living with them. I love him to pieces, but it's taking some time for me to forgive him for the times that he has lied. I'm 23, so we were best friends and playmates growing up.
Anyone dealing with an autistic/Asperger's child/spouse/friend/etc.? What are some of their behaviors and how do you deal?
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The real work of this life…is to be passionate, be holy, be wild, be irreverent, to laugh and cry until you awaken the sleeping spirits, until the ground of your being cleaves and the universe comes flooding in. ~Geneen Roth |
| | | | | This account (ladydiva) is no longer available. | | 2188 total posts | |
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| | Subject: Autism Spectrum Disorder? | Posted: December 3, 2007 @ 6:51 PM | | I have a family friend who's grandsone has autism, it is a really hard disorder to deal with but i have never heard of someone grown being diagnosed with it.
I guess that something i will have to read about. but what i will say that you have to be real patient whatever the diagnosis. As much as it is hard for you guys he has to live it, and possibly face all the life changes that he shouldn't have too at this time in his life.
so keep in mind h e may not know what all that is going on with him as muchas you have concerns.
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| | | | | | Subject: Autism Spectrum Disorder? | Posted: December 3, 2007 @ 9:24 PM | |
Quoting: ladydiva
I have a family friend who's grandsone has autism, it is a really hard disorder to deal with but i have never heard of someone grown being diagnosed with it.
I guess that something i will have to read about. but what i will say that you have to be real patient whatever the diagnosis. As much as it is hard for you guys he has to live it, and possibly face all the life changes that he shouldn't have too at this time in his life.
so keep in mind h e may not know what all that is going on with him as muchas you have concerns.
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Thanks. He doesn't have autism actually, it's called Asperger's and it's like a mild form of autism. It's often not diagnosed in school because people just think they're weird, way smart, nerdy, etc. instead of having a problem. I really wish he was diagnosed earlier because I think early help could have shown him some ways to deal. I guess I have to work on being understanding.
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The real work of this life…is to be passionate, be holy, be wild, be irreverent, to laugh and cry until you awaken the sleeping spirits, until the ground of your being cleaves and the universe comes flooding in. ~Geneen Roth |
| | | | | | Subject: Autism Spectrum Disorder? | Posted: December 3, 2007 @ 9:52 PM | | I sent you a private message. I hope I can be of some help to you!
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| | | | | | Subject: Autism Spectrum Disorder? | Posted: January 3, 2008 @ 8:38 PM | | I have Asperger's Syndrome with ataxia. I'm repetitive and detached. My IQ is average. My creativity is above average. I lack social skills. I have an odd gait. I'm clumsy! Sometimes I have tremors (symptom of ataxia). Some people who have Asperger's or autism have another "co-dependent" disability. Ataxia is one of them.
Also...while it's easy for me to pick up subtleties in things, it's almost impossible for me to pick them up in people. Women with Asperger's Syndrome have it harder than men, because of the host of "masculine" mannerisms that come with the disorder. Women are "expected" to be intuitive and socially-geared.
I'd like to point out a specific trait that nearly completely exclusion to girls and women with Autism and AS: many are interested in fairytales, particularly ones with magical creatures, that even into their older age will hold onto that "child-like" fascination. Of course, I happen to be one of them. |
| | | | | | Subject: Autism Spectrum Disorder? | Posted: January 9, 2008 @ 10:08 PM | | [QUOTE=
Anyone dealing with an autistic/Asperger's child/spouse/friend/etc.? What are some of their behaviors and how do you deal?
[/QUOTE]
I don't know what state you live in, but if you are not in CA, there should be the equivalent of what in CA is called the Regional Centers. These are centers geared for people with specific disabilities and Autism is one of them, they provide resources and supports....I am not surprised that your brother was diagnosed so late in his life..many doctors are still unfamiliar with the disorder and often unique traits are considered "quirks". If you cannot find "regional centers" the dept of rehab maybe a source of help.... or try calling a school that provides services for kids with moderate to severe disabilities like a special ed center they maybe able to give you a telephone number. Your brother will need specialized training with jobs, and people skills, and organizational skills...
I know how frustrating this can be for you and your family, but keep in mind this is new to him too....
good luck.
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| | | | | | Subject: Autism Spectrum Disorder? | Posted: January 14, 2008 @ 6:15 PM | | Update:
I spent some time with my brother over the Christmas holiday. It's hard, because part of me is still angry at him for lying so repeatedly, but I'm beginning to realize it's his coping strategy when life gets overwhelming for him. (Obviously he will need a better strategy, but hopefully he can work on that in therapy.) I think he summed up what Aspergers is like for him during a lunch conversation I had with him:
"I know that wanting things in life is good, in theory, but I just don't care. Like you talk about wanting a house, and a husband, and kids, and a good career, but I just don't feel that those things would make me happy. I have no motivation to try and get those things. My therapist says that she can give me a pill that will help even out my mood, but she can't give me a pill to make me have feelings."
I just wanted to cry for him, because I hurt that he feels so little.
Thank you all for your kind words. Frecklenose, I haven't read your pm yet, but I will. Jen38, thanks for your advice; I will tell my parents to look for a center like that. Filiasan, thanks for sharing your story. I'm sending you a PM.
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The real work of this life…is to be passionate, be holy, be wild, be irreverent, to laugh and cry until you awaken the sleeping spirits, until the ground of your being cleaves and the universe comes flooding in. ~Geneen Roth |
| | | | | | Subject: Autism Spectrum Disorder? | Posted: January 15, 2008 @ 12:32 AM | | Hey Jen, you need a big HUG!! I know how upsetting it can be when someone with this disorder tells you the do not "feel". I think he does, he just doesn't know how to cope with those feelings so he pushes them away. Emotions can be very scary and confusing to those on the autism spectrum.
I would continue to speak honestly and bluntly with him about your concerns.
I hope things improve for you and your family, and that your brother does benefit from therapy.
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| | | | | | Subject: Autism Spectrum Disorder? | Posted: January 18, 2008 @ 4:45 PM | |
Quoting: Jen929
Update:
I spent some time with my brother over the Christmas holiday. It's hard, because part of me is still angry at him for lying so repeatedly, but I'm beginning to realize it's his coping strategy when life gets overwhelming for him. (Obviously he will need a better strategy, but hopefully he can work on that in therapy.) I think he summed up what Aspergers is like for him during a lunch conversation I had with him:
"I know that wanting things in life is good, in theory, but I just don't care. Like you talk about wanting a house, and a husband, and kids, and a good career, but I just don't feel that those things would make me happy. I have no motivation to try and get those things. My therapist says that she can give me a pill that will help even out my mood, but she can't give me a pill to make me have feelings."
I just wanted to cry for him, because I hurt that he feels so little.
Thank you all for your kind words. Frecklenose, I haven't read your pm yet, but I will. Jen38, thanks for your advice; I will tell my parents to look for a center like that. Filiasan, thanks for sharing your story. I'm sending you a PM.
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I agree with frecklenose. Blunt honesty is the best way. People with autism don't exactly feel less than "regular" people. They just don't know how to feel. (Do you understand what I mean?) Anyways, people like us hate lying more than most people. And finding out about such lies can hurt more than having to deal with the harsh truth. Besides, we aren't big on subtleties. We're thick-skinned.
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